March 23, 2010 Satsang: Mental Obstructions

Being somewhat obsessive about "realization" is counterproductive, I'm finding. Most of my questions to David have been basically the same: The shakti is really blissful, but what about the Big E (Enlightenment)? What about nirvikalpa samadhi? Why, no matter how silent it seems, does the mind never completely go away? Or, to some them all up, what am I doing wrong?

It’s easy to say things like, “Just enjoy the moment”, “Surrender to the Infinite and accept whatever it brings you”, etc. After reading so many books, though, written by so many masters, how can one help but be disappointed when making the inevitable comparisons between oneself and Them? It seems like you’re either Awakened or in Bondage, and looking at things that way can be pretty depressing.

Tonight, however, David dissolved this idea for me. He explained (while the energy did it’s thing ;-) that this is really an erroneous way of thinking, and that there are countless stages of growth one undergoes on the way to self-realization. To not recognize each of them as being significant, seeing yourself, as he put it, as “either enlightened or a jerk”, doesn’t allow you to take credit for the steps you’ve progressed along the path.

It’s often difficult to see how far we’ve come. I particularly have problems seeing this when I notice my mind reverting to old states and patterns, and how much that contrasts with the higher states I’ve experienced. Likewise when I hold up my typical mindstates to those exalted ones we, as representatives of the Dharma, are supposed to exemplify. But David has explained many times that these up-and-down patterns are natural during these stages.

Something shifted tonight whereby I’m finally accepting all this. It really felt like a weight was lifted, and I feel much more relaxed. The shakti was really flowing, and it washed over me and took my obsessions with it. Thank you, David! :-)