Utility

A weekend in the Singularity of Mother David Devi Kali

Oh, Queen of Love
You have unwove my eyes
And my heart will not sleep

Oh, the Queen of Love
I am in Her Heart
She is in my room

And together alone we clasp hands
And in each other's eyes walk the endless shore

The snow is on the hills of my Heart
And to speak is to die

To speak is to die. But If I have to speak I will try.
I can’t explain the joy I felt when I found out David Spero was coming to Denmark. It was overwhelming to the degree that I can say I have never felt such bliss, love, joy and excitement. It was the sense of knowing I was going to reunite with a beloved relative that I hadn’t seen for years, or lifetimes. Every time the thought that I was going to meet him came into my mind I would weep and my heart would race while I was shaking. The feeling intensified the closer I came to the day I was going to see him for the first time. So when the day came and I had to travel 100 km to Copenhagen, my body was melting away, I felt my lower body dissolved and thought was unable to walk, cause my legs and feet was so soft like jelly. But I was functioning inside that. And I was crying and crying me heart was overflowing with joy. So when I walked into the room where David was sitting naturally I started crying. I was so happy, my heart was overflowing it was so so beautiful. I was broken in every way, broken into love.

He kept asking me, “You know I’m always with you right?” And my answer was: Yes I know, but it is so special for me meeting you in person. I felt my words just vanished around him it was embarresing, but it was okay. I couldn’t put any words together. I was in my heart, my feeling, sensing his beauty. The first day I felt I was laying bend down touching his feet, It was so beautiful I was dying inside his Beauty. I felt my heart was dissolving in overwhelming gratitude, and that was why I kept crying; I was so thankful for his incarnation it was overwhelmingly beautiful and joyous. I am still contemplating about why I cried so much, still feeling into what was actually going on this weekend, it's a mystery.

The expression that comes closest to explaining how I felt sitting with David is in the simplest things and no-things. Sensing him is no phenomena but it is all phenomena at once. It’s closer than close. It’s me yet not I. It’s everyone yet no one. It’s the sensation of the wind blowing into the room touching my hair around my neck. It’s my feet rubbing against each other, my hand stroking the other. It’s every person in the room I turned to look at. It’s what’s here, there and in-between. Feeling… crying… laughing… sensing… talking… exsisting… So intimate and close. Sensing my relationship with David, the relationship wasn’t even there.

The biggest gift David Spero gave me was to give away himself, to me, yet not to me at all, to every me yet to no one. He gave himself away to make everything and everyone shine as Him/Mother. Simultaneously he took away himself, everything and everyone’s specialness, so that only Mother was left. It’s a natural human desire to wants to feel special, but in being special one is actually very lonesome, because being special means being separate from something. But the reason we want to be special is because we want to be “good enough”. But being goon enough isn’t what we want either, because being good enough means that we are also not good enough. What we want is love, to be loved and to love, and the closest we came to love was to be an object of satisfaction searching for other objects for satisfaction. The core of what we want is to love and be loved as Mother Herself. We want to feel ourselves and feel everything as Love, and we want everything and one to feel themselves and everything as Love. Here everything is the Life of Specialness.

The greatest gift David Spero gave me, was to take away himself and me, and every me, to let everything Be; Life itself living; Love Herself Feeling. Nowhere to go, no one to go to.
Therefore I am unable to say the weekend was the biggest experience in my life, even though my ego may want to say that, because David is Life itself, that is how I felt Him and that is why I was given the gift of coming even further into Life, where it is neither David, or myself, but everything and nothing at once. My personal ego want to say it was the biggest event to meet David, yet it would say it was the most terrible event because I want to be his friend on a person relative level, hang out with him as a fellow human.

My path into awakening has been life itself finding me, and on my path I found David and he helped me a lot. He is my first spiritual teacher I’ve devoted to, but he is not a teacher in that sense, he is life itself. And that is why David as Life, calls me further and further into Life itself, where no objectifications are possible.

I saw all faces inside his face. A dog sitting by the sea with closed eyes smelling the ocean, Native people, beautiful women, children, all the ones I love and will ever love. I saw him as pure color, pure light - radiating, with the taste of love in it.
Everything was predigested, like David said(his Kundalini Shakti is predigested by Love), ready for our beings to absorb it directly.
He was like a highly evolved species, a true human being, an alien, a cosmic being, sitting with us in a human form, more human than any of us, more animal than any of us, more nature than any of us, more a flower a tree, an ocean a wind than any of us.
Speaking English and bending down, dissolving completely, offering us everything he is. He was just translating what we all are into a language, a feeling, an energy that we were ready to take in. Like an unabsorbable substance where the cell walls had been broken up and liquefied, so we could sip it from a straw and having it absorb directly into our blood.
David/Mother is like that.
A mirror held towards us where we see our reflection for the first time, and we want to keep looking into that mirror of David/Mother because that is the clearest of mirror we can find, his words and voice is the most direct way to our own words, his transmission is – Home, It’s us. This is how I have felt with David for two and a half years. And the mirror is not even there, its an eternal corridor of Reality itself. The mirror must go, when we are That; fully embodied as Mother.

The greatest wonder is that there is just that singularity, and the personal David with opinions isn’t even an obstruction for that, it simply made it an even deeper oneness cause we were all persons/egos sitting in that room, David was more personal more divine than any of us, like our true Self, our true parent nurturing us and teaching us to think, feel, walk, talk anew. I saw him as my true Father/Mother, in the contours of his face, his divine body; I saw my own true genes. I was Home.

In meditation that weekend I found the highest meditation was to be alive, to sense my own hands against each other, to be incarnated. Having ascended, the highest bliss was just rubbing my feet against each other, opening my eyes looking down at my body, looking around at all these beautiful people that were gathered around David. Being in relativity, incarnated felt like the greatest bliss, because that was all Love/Mother. So beautiful like beauty/Life is; its only desire is to devote to the “other”.
A flower doesn’t just want to maintain itself it wants the opposed: to give itself away to the “other” the insects. Only in that way it will bear fruit and be what it is: an eternal being forever living and dying. And in the living it doesn’t live and in the dying it doesn’t die; it is Life itself. One seed sprouting, growing and blooming, to devote and give itself to the “other”, so it can become fruitful, and nurture the other, become the others body and being, and sprout as new seeds.
This is What David/Mother is.

David/Mother is eternal Beauty and no beauty can be perceived casually especially not Beauty itself. But as I sat with David I melted into Him, dissolved into Beauty. And the room, all the individual persons, our bodies, the air, was all That; a mandala as David would say. That is what it felt like. With all the sensations and movements of Mother, all was an ocean of Her.

So many beautiful people gathered around David Spero this weekend in Copenhagen, and most of us found it hard to leave on the last day of the event, we were actually like bees swarming a hive. Everyone and thing was glowing in the Light of Mother, and no bees or hive was to be found there. On the outside-inside Life itself was living. Like a fetus in a pregnant woman’s body we were, unable to tell if we were the infant in the womb or if we were the womb or the Unknown; The Woman- Mother.

I am not to be seen or found
Save only in what I cause
Standing outside on the inside outside
Perfectingness or flaws

How shall I say where I end or where You begin?
How shall I say, what shall I play?
Shall it be You or the wild wind

But the Queen of Love She strokes
My body alive, that I do not sleep

While the Queen of Love
She sings to me
From above and beyond the world

And I observe my mind
It is playing ignorant
While at Her feet I am curled

While the Queen of Love
She swims like a silver dove in my mind's room
And my body sleepwalks down the road
In a warm dark swoon.
(R.Williamson)

Comments

My heart feels great joy in reading this!!!!! So happy!!!

By BHAKTI8

Reading this made me want to cry. And I started to but was at a shipper and had to keep myself together. Lol.Very happy for you and your eexperience with David!

By ryan

So so wonderful to hear the words that flow from the heart after that first face to face meeting. Thank you for bringing me with you back into the heart. Beautiful, so happy. Love, Vivian

By Vivian Andrews --

Vivian

I'm so happy to read your experience with David. While we are missing him here, it's totally equalizing to know how the Denmark children are immersed in bliss. Jai Ma!

By LLRogers --

Lyn in Oakland, CA