Utility

Bliss Infusion

Ever since attending the July retreat in Sedona, it's felt like I've been riding a wave of greater bliss and energy. I'm becoming more familiar with the sensation of simply resting in this living relationship with David and what he is. I had to wait hours at the airport for my flight home, yet I can still remember the deep sense of sanctity I felt about my being as I sat at the crowded terminal. I didn't want to change my thoughts or touch ANYTHING about the way I was. I didn't feel the need to evolve or love myself or anything like that. Just being was nothing and everything and more than I could ask for. I wanted nothing more than to move, think, feel, and exist.

The first session of Saturday's online intensive was amazing too. I took a nap afterwards, where I had a dream or vision. Overall, it was very beautiful and complex, but there was this one peak darshan which stands out in memory:

I sat facing an empty bench at the Light House in Sedona. I felt David was about to sit there, and I thought, "Oh my gosh, he's really gonna do it! He's really gonna sit there!" When I looked at him, my body felt a couple of infusions of cool liquid. And that's when things went a little nuts, and I started writhing in ecstasy, rubbing my face against the table, slobbering all over it, feeling the bliss lifting me out of my chair, and who knows what else. The joy of noticing David's presence was just overwhelming and magical.

It felt like a kind of blissful insanity, so I thought that poetry would be the best way to approximate the feeling of that darshan. Rumi is probably rolling over in his grave right now, but whatever. I assume he's still happy:

----

Jellyfish Float

I thought it was wine you gave me,
but why do I feel so heavy now?
If I sink deep into the ocean now,
Who will save me from drowning?

In your eyes, I find the will to float,
to fly within the infinite womb.
I can believe whatever you speak
from beyond this wall of water,

my home. I’ve wandered so far,
thinking that the sages lived
on mountaintops. I’ve come
down now, down to my senses.

To swim is to trust. And to float
is to feel. May all the jellyfish
do my thinking for me. May
this and that guide my steps

through salty water holding moonlight.
The flavor makes me cry through
my mouth. I drink through my teeth.
Forgive this fool for swallowing ecstasy

in one gulp. The fish are free, they are
all inside of me. I’ll drown in madness,
there is no salvation. I’ll work, I’ll play.
And nobody will know my name. Only

you can see me turning my head to look
into my heart. The moon is full, your
seat is empty. I look with love through
that drinking glass to see if you are looking too.

----

I'm also supposed to be at the August retreat. I'm a bit nervous - perhaps because I never know what to expect. But then again, in the context of bliss, expectation seems like madness.

Comments

Beautiful poetry and a wonderful description of the July Intensive week with David. Thank you for your post!
Namaste,
Abha

By Abha --

Abha