Utility

Tuesday evening, June 9, 2009 Satsang with David at the SF Zen Center

The shakti affects people in so many different ways, and it can change dramatically from experience to experience. On this particular evening satsang with David, I experienced a very soft, diffuse, quieting energy. However, once I left and began walking up the hill to catch the bus home, the intoxication really overwhelmed me. This beautiful oneness with all things swept over me, and I was light as a feather. Such profound peace! I kept walking way past my bus stop, just basking in the bliss.

I got home, and my energy soon shifted. I was supercharged, and started cleaning up my mess of a room. I went back to my computer and resumed coding, all the while reveling in the intoxication. Every few minutes I had to pause and savor the bliss and peace. At the same time I felt invigorated with a lust for life that I hadn't really felt for many years. I was brimming with positivity, hope, and sheer joy! I felt really excited to go back to the day-to-day work process, which, while I enjoyed my career, had felt so stale for so long.

I have always been amazed by young children, how they're so full of energy and just (often literally) throw themselves into the whatever ridiculous game they're playing. There's no reservation; no hesitation. When they fall down, they might cry a bit, but soon the pain is forgotten and they're laughing with abandon again. They're so unencumbered by the weight of the world that we adults seem to carry as a permanent burden. I sometimes even feel envious of them -- how they can be so happy in the moment. That night after satsang, I felt something like that -- ready to dive headlong back into worldly experience!

The next morning, after peacefully falling asleep late the night before, I awoke to a terrible migraine headache. "I can't f---ing believe this!" I exclaimed. "Not after last night!!??" But I refused to let it keep me down, and willed myself to focus all of my attention on the bliss I felt after satsang. I took some time to breathe through it, bringing David and the Bliss to my consciousness. Eventually, several hours later, the migraine subsided and I resumed my work gradually. I felt happy, though, that I didn't give in to the pain and allow it to completely knock me into a depressing state of attention.

The harsh truth is that this life is not always going to be easy, and will throw you curve balls that can really derail you. One moment you're high as a kite, and the next moment the world is crushing you. But we've been blessed to have actually experienced at least a bit of the Divine Perfection by the grace of the Guru -- it's not just a philosophy that will abandon us the moment Life tests us. And so the next time we get beaten down, if we don't take the pain and calamities too seriously, maybe we can pick ourselves up and laugh at ourselves, welcoming the next moment with joy.