Utility

No Separation

6/21/09 It's been 6 days since the San Francisco Intensive and I've started seeing some changes. Going back to when I started seeing David again in February, he had allowed me into a womb-like environment where all was provided; Light, Love and Shakti. In that space, I was able to be completely vulnerable in order to fully take in the Immensity of That Bliss. All the while, of course, I felt very dependent on the physical proximity of David. When David moved North in May, I experienced separation anxiety, though part of me knew David would always be there. In a way, I felt as if I was still in the womb, really unable to fully breathe on my own. It was a painful 35 days. On June 14, I flew up to SF for the Intensive. David talked of owning your energy and experiences that you have at home, as your own. After I returned home, over the next week, online David told us to look at our own being, separate from anyone else and notice how big the "I" is, how vast It is. As I did that, I was surprised, that the "I", did feel vast. Slowly over the next few days I began to realize that David had somehow taken me out of the womb, without me realizing it and was saying, "Look how you can breathe on your own!" Tonight as I started to meditate and felt the Love Light and Shakti, I thought of David and how wonderful it was to sit with him in San Francisco. I realized that the love I have for David no longer has in it, that fear of separation. I want to be with David physically, whenever possible, but when I'm not with him physically, I no longer feel like something is missing.